Cancer Journey: Day 10

I finally slept well yesterday night after many nights of anxiety-filled slumber. Felt grateful for the rest when I woke up. The fact that I exercised yesterday evening might have helped, or I was just beyond exhausted from the worrying treadmill. Today, my goal is to block the 'reality check.' Block the mean (truthful) voice in my head that wants to remind me of the bomb inside my body. 

Today seems perfectly normal. Sun. Homely noises. 
Enya is pottering on her project diligently. 
Eshaan is working on his things. 
Rohit is making the new bed that just arrived from IKEA.
And I am writing in bed, with Maya sleeping by my feet, while beautiful sunlight streams through the windows.




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Cancer Journey: Day 9

Today, I led mostly with courage and was more effective at shutting off the negative cacophony. Nights have been hard. Thoughts race and Google searches only add to the terrifying despair. There is no relief in the numbers. They are not good. Cancer itself was the most unlikely scenario, considering none of my family has any history of cancer. Up until now, I have had no major health issues, and there were no symptoms (or so I thought). Looking back now, I connect the dots and find I had symptoms for which I even saw specialists, BUT the wrong specialists.  I am not sure if I have completely absorbed the news of Stage 2 rectal cancer. Rectal cancer itself sounds like a snake, and I have always been mortally scared of snakes. It is an ugly, embarrassing, scary, uncharted territory. My brain is in chaos. Sometimes, I feel like I am having an out-of-body experience, observing the goings on from a distance as if this cancer is not mine, as if it is someone else's pain. Sometimes, it hi...
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